As I previously mentioned, one of the things I miss the most about my past life is my car. I miss it SO much.
Slowly but surely though I have gotten used to living without it. I’ve begun to realize that I now walk like I used to drive. And it isn’t just me, it seems all New Yorkers do it. And if you don’t do it- YOU MUST BE A TOURIST.
Here are just some of the walk-driving habits:
- Pulling Off to the Side of the Road. Don’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk to do something. If you really need to focus on something other than walking, pull off to the side of the sidewalk before stopping or you will have a collision (either with a fellow walker’s anger or body).
- Changing Clothes. Don’t stop moving, just take off one jacket arm, switch your purse to the other arm, take off the other jacket arm, do a little toss switch of your jacket and your purse, hang one over the wrist of one arm and one over the shoulder.
- Freshening Up. Open up your easy-access purse to your easy-access make-up bag. Grab whatever thingamajig you need. Lip gloss. Grab your iPhone. Reverse the camera so it faces you. Apply lip gloss. Check the phone of the camera to see if anyone cute is walking behind you.
- Eating Breakfast. Grab banana. Peel banana (Anyone else just have a flash back to student government!?). Check on either side of you to see if there is a homeless person. If there is, conceal banana. If not, eat banana. Finish banana and merge into the other lane to close in on trashcan to throw banana peel away.
- Texting. It should be just as illegal when walking as it is driving. Keep the angle of your phone a bit higher than you usually would so you can more likely see feet, strollers, dogs, etc. Just. Don’t. Crash.
- Car Jamming. Like yesterday’s post, this also happens in the city. Just sans seat belt and soundproof glass. That person singing to themselves? Not crazy. Just walk-carjamming.
- Speeding. There is no such thing as speeding in New York. We are all speed demons. But there are plenty of “knuckle” and “grey hair” old walk-drivers or “18-wheeler” tourists groups of walk-drivers that are often impossible to swerve around. In that instance, try to stop and enjoy the scenery (or cross the street).
Think I’m joking? I’m not. Walk-driving is such a “thing” that I actually got beeped at yesterday by a man approaching me walking in Harlem. Supposedly I was swerving into his lane while texting.
Anyone else want to add to my rules? I’m sure there are a thousand more. So be safe behind your own feet out there today guys. It’s a dangerous world.